he wants to bone in the snuggie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
