im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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