i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
