u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
