So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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