im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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