Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
