I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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