if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
