Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
