Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
