I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
