went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
