he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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