She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your dad touched me again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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