Is it because I queefed?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
