Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
