If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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