I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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