you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
