I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
