im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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