Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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