You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
