remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
