who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why do cheetos always look like penises
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
