i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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