It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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