Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
