Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
