New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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