This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
