getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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