is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
