Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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