I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
