I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
