so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
