i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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