I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
