In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
