OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is Oprah even human
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
