I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
