dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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