pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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