Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
