I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
