To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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