My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We are two peas in an std pod
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
