i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
