Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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