I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
